Slowing Down to Learn Your Message

I've always struggled to slow down and be where my feet are.

In the beginning stages of my life, I think it had to do with the fact that I always wanted what was next. I wanted the bigger, better chapter of my life, at every stage of my life. In my college years, I was never “where my feet were” because oftentimes I didn't like the situation I was in or what I was experiencing. When you dislike what you're going through, it makes sense to always look for what's next. But that’s a tough way to live. At least for me, it caused a great deal of anxiety, discontent, and unhappiness.

I am instead challenging myself to see what life lesson I can learn from these difficult, frustrating, or unexpected experiences. This has allowed me to live in the moment more often because I am not fighting with myself. I can be more productive in life, and more importantly I have found more joy in my life.

Think about it: when you live in the moment, each experience and memory is so deep and rich. They are vibrant and create a more colorful life, leading to a desire and excitement for each day. Learning this gave me a new strength in handling life.

Once you start to uncover your life message you have to start actively living your it. I always remind myself, "You have to empower your­self before you empower others." Understanding this was key for me.

You have to be truly about your message before you start teaching your message. Otherwise, you speak with less conviction and more uncertainty. Who is going to follow that message? In a world full of noise and uncertainty, people want something that they believe in and can hold steadfast. People want a message that they can put trust in.

As the founder of EM-POWERMENT, I hope to lead by example. (As my mom would say.)

Standards Vs. Expectations

There is a difference for sure, but what is it?

Are standards something you hold yourself to? In other words, self-governing laws.

Are expectations this ideology that we create for ourselves based on others stories, society's standards, social norms, or even what's trending?

Are standards something you hold yourself to? Are expectations for societal norms? There is for sure a difference, but what does that look like?

These questions keep coming to my brain when I think of my quote: "you can't tell your story before it happens but that doesn't mean you can't write it as you go and make it what you want!” Are standards and expectations what you want? Or what somebody else wants for you? I think standards and expectations can be subjective, but I want to talk a little bit about how they came to play in my mental state throughout college.

To start off, I had these very rigid, subconscious expectations of what my college career was going to look like. (And honestly, I've felt that way about most aspects of my life.) When things didn't happen the way I, myself, wanted, I didn't really fight back. I allowed myself to be pushed around by the inevitable hardships of life, societal norms, and what everybody else had expected of me rather than accepting the idea that I had a role in my own life. I began to play victim and ask "why me?" far too often.

In hindsight, I’d like to think that what I should have done was take life as it came. Put on my boxing gloves and fought back. Make my life my own story. I was so caught up in the expectations of what should happen in my life and my basketball career, that I was losing my own agency. When something did not go as planned, I was so quick to say my career and my story were failures. But how could I even say that, when neither my career, nor my story, have come even to an end? 

By prematurely viewing my experiences as failures it seems I was projecting and essentially manifesting these things to work out in a less than ideal way. Fighting my own story was me protecting myself from the fear of my experiences ending. I’m currently sitting here on the bus (to Colgate) realizing the fact that really my story has only just begun. I absolutely still struggle with taking my own advice in the quote, but it is something that I am challenging my­self with everyday. I will always stick by the fact that you can’t tell your story before it happens because when I did do that it enlightened me that my expectations were too stiff and rigid. With that, I fell into the trap of having a fixed mindset or expectation. When we have these expectations, we initially think they are good and that they push us. In reality, they set limits on us without us even realizing it. I only say this because hindsight is 20/20, and I have been through it first hand.

The expectations I placed on myself not only held me down and gave me limits, but they also were generous enough to give me depression. YOU get to write your story as you go, and make it what you want. You are holding the pen and paper to your own life - never forget how powerful that is! You get to pick up the pen when you want, write what you want, and if you wanna start a new page you have the power to flip to the next one and start writing. 

With that being said, keep in mind that what you write on a daily basis and how you carry yourself, those are your standards. Your standards are what you are okay with and allow whether you realize it or not. Your expectations are things you hope for and oftentimes ideal outcomes whatever that may look like.